nutella sex= disaster
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
