She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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