and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
