Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
