i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
