I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Randomize
