just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
