ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
