I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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