I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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