like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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