I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
