Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
