Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
