I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Randomize
