Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
