Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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