you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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