Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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