I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
