a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
