i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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