Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I wear drunk well.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
