It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
