hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
