What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
