just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
