Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
