We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
