...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
