and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
