How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I need water and some morals
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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