Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
