you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
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