i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
