paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
