He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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