just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
