we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
