i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
