I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
