So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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