found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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