forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
