Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
