I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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