Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
