so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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