have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
