her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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