You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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