I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
