you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
