You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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