wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
